....is a yeasty irish cake that we eat
around halloween. I'm a yeasty irish gal
..yeasty meaning: youthful; exuberant; ebullient.

3.04.2008

smoking cigarettes in a PC room because i don't konw what else to do...

i think today could be the worst day of my life so far. returning to korea with a heart full of love and a stomach full of pain, louis greeted me at the airport with the most unfortunate news, that he was no longer in love with me. no longer attracted to me. no longer no longer no.... what the fuck to do. my little french man, my bestest friend, my heart, my poor broken heart. i'm crying and crying and surrounded by video games and surrounded by korean and i want to go home. it's all i can think. why the fuck what the fuck etc etc and ohmygod my stomach pain lessened... because i guess somewhere deep down inside i knew it was coming. and what the fuck to do.. what am i going to do. i spent too much time here with him that i don't know what to do here without him. i'm homeless for a week and confused as fuck. we were supposed to move into a new apartment together on sunday, but now i have to pay the rent alone and now i have to be there alone and now... and now..and tears and sad... i want my nash and my brock and my sister and my emily and i want it all in one and i want to be sane...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Where are you? Do you mean you are really homeless? I'm so worried about you little sis. Moreso about your heart than the practical situation. I am so sorry to hear that you had your heart broken when you gave it fully; I thought you had found love and that love had found you but the truth of it is, you never know. What you have now could be completely gone in a second but
to have loved and lost love is better than never to have loved at all. Right now, it probably doesn't feel like that at all. Of course it will take time and your emotions must be going crazy. Just know that you have many good friends and that you are loved by me and many other people. You are an amazing person and there is a bright future for you in store - I know that you are feeling a lot of pain now but try to remember that you are loved and valued and needed when you get down. All the best, your sis.

Anonymous said...

and also: fuck him.