....is a yeasty irish cake that we eat
around halloween. I'm a yeasty irish gal
..yeasty meaning: youthful; exuberant; ebullient.


and another one bites my ass

well, no I don't even know you, so no, I don't like you, no matter how drunk and nice and flirtatious i seem. Maybe i shouldn't act like i like you if i don't.... but i have no idea how to turn off the nice sometimes....

You on the other hand, I really like you, I know you and love you and you are my life.... and by the way I miss you.

And then there's you, and you don't know i like you... but i do and make me some more animals please. And that ponytail is cute. cute as fuck.


weekends spent away from home

are wonderful and make me feel like I'm traveling again, even though guess what aj, you're not really, but you can pretend, well until you get to school on Monday morning.

But let's just pretend for the moment that Monday morning doesn't exist.

1. i am obsessing with the mid to late 90's, especially by watching a million videos on you tube where bands are running through the streets of Toronto....
do i actually miss snowy days on bloor street??? ack! i miss snowy days on bloor street when i was 16 and waiting outside of lees palace to see a million bad bands that i was in love with.....

2. Japan for 6 days wasn't long enough. le sigh. I love it there, the people, the environmental responsibility that is practiced by the country. The small streets, with small wooden house and garbage cans, and no one staring and temples and bicycles and this strange sense of total normality even though it's Japan. And they make the best sushi. and they have shoe dryers when you come in from the rain with wet shoes. We stayed with a little man in his wooden house/hostel and felt like a quirky family for 3 days. biking all over Kyoto, the most beautiful little streets and giant gorgeous gardens surrounding temples. Off to Osaka which for some reason REALLY reminds me of Toronto! There are homeless people, there are stray cats, and bicycles and a little dirt on the streets. I met a dude when i was buying traditional Japanese work boots in the seedier area of town and we went out for lunch and beers and he took me on a bike tour of the city... awesome. randomness makes my life better...

3. I went with Justin and Jagz to Wonju for the weekend. An hour or 2 outside of bundang. We went to visit friends Kim and Alex who have moved out there now for university jobs. Could i live in the country? Could i stay here again next year maybe and get a good university job and work out in the middle of the country. If Kim and Alex are going to stay there for another year, then maybe... but jeez i gotta not think about next year now cuz I'm so not that type of person! But I definitely want to do something new come march, be it move to a new country or relocate to a new job etc etc...

it's raining a lot.
drip drop.
drip drop.


oh no oh dear

I'm feeling slightly worthless. set off by my uselessness. less ness use.

Judith (my buddy from India) was in Myanmar with her son and just got out yesterday. The letter she had sent me last week spoke of the struggle of the people living there, and this was before the shit hit the fan. And now the shit has hit the fan, the decrepit fan, the falling apart fan where there are bad sparks when you plug it in and there's not even enough motion to create a wind to send those ribbons attached to the cage flying. i can't imagine or understand the struggle of those people and this was before the cyclone.

Oh no, here we go - i feel worthless and existentialism is telling me to go and do something significant and give some meaning to my life. aim, design, end goal, intent, mark, pint, purpose, target, view. WHY.

I'm feeling guilty because i cried over stupid king kong when he died in that stupid movie that cost a milliondy dollars to make. I feel guilty because i want to buy new shoes. I feel guilty because i want to help people for my own selfish reasons. but doesn't everybody? mother Theresa was totally doing it for her own reasons (all those hot indian men! I'm going to get struck down for that one)

I sound 19.

time to stop being 19 and figure out a solution. that's being at least 21. but my problem is that i don't want to spend time inside of myself. I don't know how. that's why i love distraction. give me a good ol' distraction any day. so, how do people self-reflect and move on and change and all that shat? make decisions about life. figure it out. or do they just get drunk or fall on their head and suddenly "get it".

probably not. cuz..well i would have REALLY gotten it by now...wouldn't i....

anyway, this disaster will fade and the flowers on my windowsill will die and i will feel this way time and time again (unless i just get up now and run away! yippee!!!!!).

this here is a distraction for both you and me. me and you. and you and me.


eating sugared squash

for breakfast is nearly as good as 구고마 (delicious sweet potatoes) and i have to thank Bradley hall for the introduction into the world of squash and the baking of it, which i now do in a tiny little toaster oven in my tiny little box of an apartment. I've been thinking about what i want... and i think bad things about thinking about what i want, i want not to want, but hell.. omg i want... and what i really want is a house with a garden or balcony... which lets face it, is NOT possible here in korea, and the problem is that i want this NOW. now now now... gimme.. greedy..

(Teri i'm jealous of your pig and garden, it's like we could change lives for 10 min to realize that we are ok where we are... )

A sleeping boy lies in my bed. pillow stained faces and stiff arms from sleeping in a mass mess of hugs. I am not comfortable sleeping with people....and I am not talking about sex here, because well.. that's not what i'm talking about. I'm talking about getting used to sleeping beside someone, listening to them, thinking about them.. and for me this is incredibly hard. maybe for others too? i dunno. but usually when i meet someone and we fall asleep next to each other i have the worst possible sleeps ever and this goes on for awhile. their breathing annoys me, and it's too hot and my god, how i can stop thinking about them and put my brain to sleep when here they are skin lightly brushing my arm and hands rubbing my back. can't turn brain off.

It's a 3 day long weekend. Hurray! and next week i fly to japan for 5 days. Hurray again! so 2 weeks of only 3 day teaching.. may is my kind of month. Today is also my sisters bday and i feel lousy cuz i bought her a card and was too lazy to go post it. i'm sorry.

now i will go jump on someones head and drink coffee and relax before going into seoul to do some dancing and dancing and well drinking.

hey guess i'm feeling better... a little displaced tho...



i'm feeling sad and sleepy-headed today, maybe too much booze lately.

and then my thoughts turn to detoxing and reorganization. re-org of life. re-org, bjork.

what i'm obsessed with today:

the randomness of life.

seeing a glass elevator full of balloons.

reading till my eyes hurt.

making lists of things that i miss (my record player, my sewing machine, a typewriter in a mint green box that never worked, toronto times, family dinners, friends).

making lists of things that i want (a sewing machine, a typewriter in a mint green box that works, brown boots, tattoos of owls, friends).

i joined a new gym in my little sunae village (please read that in a french accent, village i mean with the sh sound... ok rambling too much...) there is no gym like my old gym and the ladies i did the yoga with every morning. but maybe i'm sad because there are no longer mornings. well there are but i spend them inside a classroom with the little tinker tots. ok i gotta shutup! life aint so bad. sorry for the vent.

sleepyhead should go to bed. enough said.